Solving family conflicts

Solving family conflicts

Developing skills to deal with conflicts is an important developmental task for children of all ages. Idit Meir, coordinator of groups of parents and couples, certified by the Adler Institute and the Ministry of Education, explains extensively and provides practical advice for solving family problems
The conflict is defined in the dictionary as a conflict, confrontation, struggle, a difficult situation created by opposing perceptions or interests that clash with one another and may lead to division or division. A clash between two or more persons who attempt to achieve the same goal, when achieving it in the hands of the other will prevent its attainment by the other.
The conflict may be accompanied by feelings of disagreement, helplessness, disappointment, worry, fear, insult, damage to self-worth, and more.
There are common lines in the conflict process and its solution:
Lack of awareness of the existence of the conflict
* The formation of awareness of conflict, which leads to an attempt to avoid or deny it
* The formation of escalation in the situation, which makes the existence of the conflict inevitable
* Find the real source of the problem
* Finding a solution
* Preparation of a detailed agreement that falls within a predefined time and examination at the end of the period
everything stays in the family
Differences of opinion between people and within the family occur in the daily routine and constitute an inseparable part of life. Conflicts may be caused by different priorities, damage to value, gap in perception, competition, distribution of resources, lack of listening, disrespect, arrogance, unwillingness to change and openness, breach of boundaries, lack of trust,
In a normative situation, there are several principles necessary to maintain a good family atmosphere, alongside the presence of conflicts within it: listening, tolerance and patience, empathy, openness and honesty, mutual respect, desire for consideration and reciprocity.
Developing skills to deal with conflicts begins in the family and in the child’s immediate environment. This is an important developmental task for children because they spend a lot of time with their siblings, friends, and interpersonal interactions throughout life.

Conflict resolution

Giving the right tools to solve problems in the family and a personal example of the parents will prepare the children for success in interpersonal interactions throughout their lives.
Professor Rudolf Dreikurs, the founder of the Adlerian theory and one of the founders of the Adler Institute in Israel, presented a model of four stages of conflict resolution:
Speaking out of mutual respect and equality.
Identifying the real problem through conversation and providing a personal interpretation of the situation, in order to examine what is behind the desire of each side. Through self-testing and understanding (ads), and then explaining to the other side.

Brainstorming – raising suggestions for resolving the conflict.

Write down all the suggestions for a solution and rank it: it is desirable, it is possible to try, it is out of the question.
Agreement – according to the desired solution to the parties concerned. Each agreement is limited in time, clarifying who does what and what happens if not. It is possible to check at the end of time whether the agreement met the test of reality or became a new conflict.
Family conflicts can have different effects on a child’s development, depending on the strategies taken to resolve the conflict.

Children who have experienced the conflict with parents who listen, explain, guide and compromise have grown to be better socially adaptable as early as the age of six. When they encounter conflict with their friends, they can solve the conflict between parents and children. The same way of explaining and explaining, as they experienced in their home.

Practical advice for solving family problems

Since the pattern of behavior in finding a solution to resolving differences begins at home at an early age, it is useful to know and develop early infant habits:
A personal example – parents are a powerful and powerful factor in shaping relationships. They should also be used as a model for children in differences of opinion, to demonstrate different opinions as long as it is done from a place of dignity without vulnerability, insult or contempt. Such a model can teach children how to conduct a dialogue, consisting of opposing opinions, and reach negotiations based on respectful rules and mutual respect, tolerance and listening to the other side.
It is important to know that escalating conflict into a quarrel, from a place of mutual disrespect (not differences of opinion, based on respect and listening) in the presence of children, especially in matters of education, is a negative thing that is liable to harm and lead to the weakening of parental authority. In particular, may have a negative impact on the atmosphere and the entire family system.
A joint brainstorming creates a sense of togetherness, a feeling of equality and respect and mutual responsibility in the family. From this respectable place, it is possible for children to share their parents with everything that happens to them, even when it comes to unpleasant experiences and situations.
Sharing and consultation are the essence of encouragement and good relations. These tools include a dimension of intimacy, warmth, a sense of belonging and self-worth, as they are an open and close communication that helps build relationships between people, parents and children in particular.
Dialogue in an open conversation – It is worthwhile initiating a real conversation that includes elements of full and honest listening, empathy, mutual respect and understanding. These help to solve problems, allow and provide a good sense of warmth that stems from the very listening and sharing experience, as well as feelings of calmness, openness and trust. The family conversation was meant to raise controversial issues or issues that could not be solved.
Advantages of family conversation
* The possibility of sharing, consultation, giving / taking responsibility, exercising judgment, brainstorming.
* Training in selection and its consequences, consideration and learning from a democratic place that will accompany the child throughout his or her future life.
* Opportunity to open territories in the family – in this framework, anyone can contribute ideas to volunteer to fulfill tasks and practice in ways different from those he is accustomed to.
* An opportunity to share barely in a supportive and encouraging environment without criticism, insult or guilt.
* An opportunity to resolve recurring quarrels and rivalries. The conversation allows for a thorough examination of the problem and an attempt to reach a solution and an agreement.
Tips for successful family conversation
Various topics – It is worthwhile to integrate in the family conversation, among other things, joint designs,

Family conflicts

Family conflicts

Treatment of the elderly parent sometimes places the family in a situation that requires coping with repeated crises. This situation can lead to conflicts that should be resolved quickly in order to continue caring for the parent.

What are the causes of conflicts between caregivers?

Since the treatment sometimes necessitates reunification of the family unit, the reasons for the conflicts between the family members at this time often derive from past relations between them. The new closeness is liable to “resurrect” the old system of forces and problems that have not been solved in the past, and may now rise and rise again, to which problems and controversies related to the treatment approach.

What are the main types of conflicts?

Past problems that recur – Intensive care again raises conflicts between parents and children and the brothers themselves. Parents tend to show dissatisfaction with their children’s choices and try to retain the role of responsible parent, even though they are now the ones who become dependent and in need of treatment. The brothers also come up with conflicts related to the past and the attitude they received from their parents. If one of the brothers is considered to be the “preferred son,” the jealousy toward him will come back suddenly, even if there is no basis for it.

Controversies over how to treat and finance it – “2 Jews, 3 opinions” The saying goes, and so does the treatment of a family member. Everyone has an opinion about what to do, where to take care of what the family can do without help. These conflicts may lead to further conflict, which revolves around economic issue and payments for treatment.

Controversy over the distribution of treatment – If the child is treated at home, the treatment should be decided. In most cases, most of the treatment is done by one family member, a “primary caregiver”. This has implications for his independence, and for the care of his own family, and may lead to resentment and anger toward the others, whom he deems insufficiently helpful.

How can conflict be avoided?

In order to avoid conflicts, it is always worthwhile to think ahead. Once the need for treatment is identified, it is recommended to do two things:

Offer of help – the other side of the coin. Sometimes the “primary caregiver” will refuse to leave the patient and will want to continue treating at any cost. Here the other family members should offer their help and make it clear to him that he needs a short rest and that they can help as well.

Professional assistance – Sometimes addressing a qualified professional can solve the problem. The outsider sees the conflict objectively and is able to offer neutral solutions that will satisfy all members of the family and help organize.

Conflicts within the family during treatment are something to be treated immediately and, if possible, even before treatment begins. A quick solution will bring clarity and clarity to the treatment, which will become more pleasant and give the patient a better feeling. So, try to talk about the problems even if it is not simple sometimes

Have a family conversation about the situation – share with the whole family, and make them part of the treatment, even if they are far away. Communication between family members is very important, because it is a supportive environment for the therapist that also helps in making important decisions. However, family members who do not care should remember not to be critical of the therapist and understand his condition. To criticize is always easy, but you have to think whether you would have acted otherwise, if you were the caregivers.

Division of treatment – equal distribution in treatment can be problematic because each member of the family has a different schedule and needs. Therefore, it is recommended to think together about what each person can give, whether it is in the day to day care or whether it is in dealing with documents or financial matters and, accordingly, to divide the treatment.

How do we get out of the conflict?

Talk about it – so simple and so hard. Sometimes there are issues on which they do not speak in the family, and the renewed stay together brings them up. But when you do not talk about things, they stay in the air and make it difficult to continue treatment. An honest conversation may solve this situation.

Asking for help – Sharing family experiences, feelings, difficulties can help them understand what the main therapist is dealing with. Asking for help from other family members may help you cope.