Solving family conflicts
Developing skills to deal with conflicts is an important developmental task for children of all ages. Idit Meir, coordinator of groups of parents and couples, certified by the Adler Institute and the Ministry of Education, explains extensively and provides practical advice for solving family problems
The conflict is defined in the dictionary as a conflict, confrontation, struggle, a difficult situation created by opposing perceptions or interests that clash with one another and may lead to division or division. A clash between two or more persons who attempt to achieve the same goal, when achieving it in the hands of the other will prevent its attainment by the other.
The conflict may be accompanied by feelings of disagreement, helplessness, disappointment, worry, fear, insult, damage to self-worth, and more.
There are common lines in the conflict process and its solution:
Lack of awareness of the existence of the conflict
* The formation of awareness of conflict, which leads to an attempt to avoid or deny it
* The formation of escalation in the situation, which makes the existence of the conflict inevitable
* Find the real source of the problem
* Finding a solution
* Preparation of a detailed agreement that falls within a predefined time and examination at the end of the period
everything stays in the family
Differences of opinion between people and within the family occur in the daily routine and constitute an inseparable part of life. Conflicts may be caused by different priorities, damage to value, gap in perception, competition, distribution of resources, lack of listening, disrespect, arrogance, unwillingness to change and openness, breach of boundaries, lack of trust,
In a normative situation, there are several principles necessary to maintain a good family atmosphere, alongside the presence of conflicts within it: listening, tolerance and patience, empathy, openness and honesty, mutual respect, desire for consideration and reciprocity.
Developing skills to deal with conflicts begins in the family and in the child’s immediate environment. This is an important developmental task for children because they spend a lot of time with their siblings, friends, and interpersonal interactions throughout life.
Giving the right tools to solve problems in the family and a personal example of the parents will prepare the children for success in interpersonal interactions throughout their lives.
Professor Rudolf Dreikurs, the founder of the Adlerian theory and one of the founders of the Adler Institute in Israel, presented a model of four stages of conflict resolution:
Speaking out of mutual respect and equality.
Identifying the real problem through conversation and providing a personal interpretation of the situation, in order to examine what is behind the desire of each side. Through self-testing and understanding (ads), and then explaining to the other side.
Brainstorming – raising suggestions for resolving the conflict.
Write down all the suggestions for a solution and rank it: it is desirable, it is possible to try, it is out of the question.
Agreement – according to the desired solution to the parties concerned. Each agreement is limited in time, clarifying who does what and what happens if not. It is possible to check at the end of time whether the agreement met the test of reality or became a new conflict.
Family conflicts can have different effects on a child’s development, depending on the strategies taken to resolve the conflict.
Children who have experienced the conflict with parents who listen, explain, guide and compromise have grown to be better socially adaptable as early as the age of six. When they encounter conflict with their friends, they can solve the conflict between parents and children. The same way of explaining and explaining, as they experienced in their home.
Practical advice for solving family problems
Since the pattern of behavior in finding a solution to resolving differences begins at home at an early age, it is useful to know and develop early infant habits:
A personal example – parents are a powerful and powerful factor in shaping relationships. They should also be used as a model for children in differences of opinion, to demonstrate different opinions as long as it is done from a place of dignity without vulnerability, insult or contempt. Such a model can teach children how to conduct a dialogue, consisting of opposing opinions, and reach negotiations based on respectful rules and mutual respect, tolerance and listening to the other side.
It is important to know that escalating conflict into a quarrel, from a place of mutual disrespect (not differences of opinion, based on respect and listening) in the presence of children, especially in matters of education, is a negative thing that is liable to harm and lead to the weakening of parental authority. In particular, may have a negative impact on the atmosphere and the entire family system.
A joint brainstorming creates a sense of togetherness, a feeling of equality and respect and mutual responsibility in the family. From this respectable place, it is possible for children to share their parents with everything that happens to them, even when it comes to unpleasant experiences and situations.
Sharing and consultation are the essence of encouragement and good relations. These tools include a dimension of intimacy, warmth, a sense of belonging and self-worth, as they are an open and close communication that helps build relationships between people, parents and children in particular.
Dialogue in an open conversation – It is worthwhile initiating a real conversation that includes elements of full and honest listening, empathy, mutual respect and understanding. These help to solve problems, allow and provide a good sense of warmth that stems from the very listening and sharing experience, as well as feelings of calmness, openness and trust. The family conversation was meant to raise controversial issues or issues that could not be solved.
Advantages of family conversation
* The possibility of sharing, consultation, giving / taking responsibility, exercising judgment, brainstorming.
* Training in selection and its consequences, consideration and learning from a democratic place that will accompany the child throughout his or her future life.
* Opportunity to open territories in the family – in this framework, anyone can contribute ideas to volunteer to fulfill tasks and practice in ways different from those he is accustomed to.
* An opportunity to share barely in a supportive and encouraging environment without criticism, insult or guilt.
* An opportunity to resolve recurring quarrels and rivalries. The conversation allows for a thorough examination of the problem and an attempt to reach a solution and an agreement.
Tips for successful family conversation
Various topics – It is worthwhile to integrate in the family conversation, among other things, joint designs,